Stephen Bleile

Black ice with sections of asphalt, blowing snow, “I’m asphyxiating it’s so hot in here,” “I’m too cold, my fingers are ice cycles!” and a dog doing his best to maintain his sovereignty over the very small part of the station wagon allotted to him.  Yes, these are the things that make for a great road trip.

We’re driving me Mudder-In-Law’s newish station wagon and I’m plenty pleased about that.  The head lights work in this car; which is a site more (no pun intended) than I can say about the headlights on our car.  Plus, it has an aux port that I can plug my ipod into.  Yes!  I won’t be forced to listen to music on our journey which will inevitably be much longer than usual.  As I think I mentioned there is more ice than asphalt on the road today.

Our mission is to get to the family acreage just west of Edmonton where our holidays can materialize in a peaceful and pastoral setting that most would be jealous of.  Everyone else seems to be pretty relaxed apart from the occasional grumbling from the back seat.  Me Fawder-in-Law is showing pretty good restraint, but despite his best intentions he is, in fact, a back seat driver.

We pull into the drive way and are delighted to discover that the lock to the gate is frozen solid.  A few minutes later David, (aka Daffle. aka me Fawder-in-law) gets it working.

It is 11:30pm and we’re all in the house.  We left Calgary at 4:30.  Albeit we stopped in Red Deer for a sit down meal, but it’s still a long trip no matter how you dice it.

My big insight from the trip?  Well it’s this:  people who are not feeling relaxed like to tell other people to relax. I reminds me of that amazing bit of wisdom hidden in the lines by Mr. Shakespeare:  “Methinks thou doth protest too much.” (This is a misquote, by the way, but I really don’t care – there’s truth in it whether or not Shakespeare said it.  More on the misquote here.) I take this bastardized quote to mean: we complain about stuff we are guilty of.

Christmas Tip:  Study the people you are with. What do they complain about? Are they guilty of the same?  If they ask you to relax you can probably assume they don’t feel relaxed. Use this to your mutual benefit and figure out how to make them feel calm.

Christmas Tip: There is another powerful tool for understanding what people are REALLY thinking about themselves.  COMPLIMENTS. There is an ancient proverb that reads: The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but man is tested by the praise he receives.  Yup, it’s easy.  Compliment people and see how they respond.  You can learn an awful lot about them.  You can even try it on yourself.  How do you react when receiving a compliment?

What if someone told you: “That was a great present you picked for me.”  ?   Would you say in your heart, “Oh, I’m really glad you liked it.”  Or would you say, “Oh, it’s not exactly what I wanted to get you!” OR, “If only you knew how much I wish we could get along… this gift is the only way I can show you love.”  (Or a mix of all.)  I’m not sure what you’ll discover, but you’ll learn something about yourselves and others.

We’re all squared away in our rooms now.  I’m writing because I’m really desperate to finish my 12 days in some sort of style and a miss just doesn’t seem like I’d be doing the countdown justice.  That and, well, this is a nice break from driving.  Flexing my creative muscle a bit does wonders for my personality.  Lucky for me, and everyone else, Tash and me Mudder-in-Law forced me to bring a guitar.  I suspect it will bring great peace and harmony to my heart over the holidays and will spare my family me asking them to relax.

I’m mostly done Tash’s shopping (The only person I have to buy for…) but I still have one thing I’d like to get her.

How’s your shopping going?   On holidays yet?

I hope all is well.

sb

(BTW Despite numerous attacks from suitcases and food that managed to launch covert ops from the bags they were hiding in the dog did maintain his spot in the car.)

Let’s pretend this was posted on Saturday and not early in the morning on Sunday.  That way it can still be day 6 and I won’t have to write a doubly good post to make up for missing a day.

People have a lot of funny ideas about Christmas. Based on the nativity scenes I’ve seen around I would think most people think when Jesus was born in a manger it was a very nice, clean, hygienic and happy sort of place complete with cattle lowing and baby Jesus awaking to Joseph and Mary discussing how the decorum was really “rather pastoral” and “how quaint it all was.”

This strikes me as amusing.  Let’s get this super clear: Jesus was born in a barn, not a 5 star resort in the back of the hotel that they kept just in case the rest of the rooms were full.  Animals live in barns.  More to the point, animals poop in barns. I’d say that was at least 5 stars off the rating.  Poop is neither hygienic or aesthetically appealing.  It also stinks. As would a barn that was full of said animals and said poop. (Even a really nice one with really nice cows and sheep.)

You can see the movie version of the real manger scene in what I remember to be a less than inspirational movie called “Nativity.”  Idonno. It just seems like too nice of a barn.

Another funny belief that comes out around now is that a fat man climbs into a sleigh that flies solely on the power of reindeer, (and Christmas spirit according to some movies) traverses the earth spreading good cheer, and then goes back to the north poll for another year of watching us.  This man watches you whether you’re awake or sleeping and based on some unknown standard of being good or bad rewards or punishes you for your efforts throughout the year.  I’m not assessing the reality of this situation.  I’m just saying it’s a creepy mascot for the season that, frankly, would not make it into my list of options to make Christmas about something other than Jesus.  (I just can’t get over how creepy it is to suggest this old jolly man is watching me sleep.) I would say the Easter Bunny was a way better addition to the folklore of our holidays.  A bunny that lays chocolate eggs… that’s pretty cool. (And not creepy.)

My final funny belief, for today,  is that we have to reciprocate every kindness shown to us and not show too much kindness unless someone else feels that they have to reciprocate.  This bizarre notion effectively destroys the whole reason behind giving.  If we give expecting something in return or receive feeling like we have to reciprocate we miss it.  Giving should be just that.  A gift.  I should be able to give without wondering if everything is even between us.  I should be able to give without keeping track.  I can’t even say I’m the best at this… only that in an ideal world people wouldn’t keep track of who did what and who owes who what. Somewhere in this riddle of ‘being fair’ and ‘giving’ is what love is I’m pretty sure.

Enjoy your funny beliefs this season.  I know I will.

sb

OK, so we all have a bit of extra time over the holiday.  Maybe it’s time to bust out our old journals and take stock of where we are on our journey. (Hmm, Journey. Journal.  Are these related thoughts??)

I have been driving my father-in-law around Edmonton / Spruce Grove all day today.  It’s given me plenty of time to sit and really enjoy lobbies.  Dentists, massage therapists, doctors…  (The first two have the best lobbies.)  I busted out my journal in the lobby of the dentist and discovered that some of the stuff I wrote down a few months ago is as relevant now as it was then.

I was reminded that I am spirit, soul, and body and that I need to nurture each part of me. My body is the house I live in.  It is the tissues and organs and other things that make up the part of me you can see.  My soul is my mind, my will, and my emotions.  My spirit is where my intuition and true fellowship with  good friends occurs.

I was reminded that I need to be aware of which part of me is in the driver’s seat.  I need to be conscious of which part of me is calling the shots. If I only do what my body wants I will end up only drinking water, moving to a city where you walk everywhere, buying a plastic bubble to keep the dirty air out of my lungs and from touching my skin,  and learning to cook spinach wrapped broccoli – claiming I enjoy the taste.

If I only do what my soul wants I would find myself playing x-box all day while eating potato chips stopping this rigorous campaign only to go to the washroom and drink more beer.

If I only do what my spirit wants I’m not sure what would happen, to be honest.  I suppose I would pray, read my bible, hang out with friends.  Doesn’t sound too bad, actually.  Anyways, never mind that.  That’s not the point.  I’m just trying to show in my own awkward way that they’re different and some sort of balance is good.

You may not have a journal to refer to since you’ve never written one.  Sorry, there’s no store in the world that sells a copy of that book.  (Not even amazon.)  This holiday season may a great time to fix that problem.   Maybe you can start a 7 day countdown to Christmas? (Unless it’s really rude or revealing you can even post it here!)  I use multicolor pens in my journal when I’m feeling really artsy. Otherwise any old Bic will do.

There is a great set of questions you may want to use to get your journal pages full up on ink instead of blank.  Ask yourself these questions:

what am I learning about myself?

What am I learning about other people?

What am I learning about God?

There’s no need to actually answer the questions.  They’re just a good spring board to get you going.

And what does this have to do with a Christmas countdown?  Well, it just seems to me that this time is a good time to reflect.  It’s a good time to slow down for long enough to hear ourselves breathe – right from the deep down part of who we are.

Here’s an example of someone’s journal:  (Mine doesn’t have so many drawings.)

I drove my father in law to Edmonton today.  We’ll be here overnight than back again tomorrow.  It’s a long story.  Anyways, we had a dandy time on our drive discussing the economy, the weather, our entrepreneurial activities, our families, and the somewhat dilapidated state of the church.

Considering you’re not supposed to get on with your in-laws and we had a jolly good time I count it a real blessing.

Now we’re trying to figure out what movie we can go watch.  I’ve never heard of any of the ones available in the Spruce Grove theater, but, ack, who cares. 2012, Ninja Assassin, Alvin and the Chipmunks… A good shoot em up ought to do. He wants to see Avatar, but it’s not out till tomorrow.

Wait.  Now it looks like we’re just going to rent UP.

OK.  we watched it and I must say I rather enjoyed it.

What does this all have to do with Christmas?  Well, maybe just this:  enjoy the little things.   One day my father in law and I will look back at this day and say, “Remember when…”

More deep insights tomorrow.

That’s it.  Tip 7 (carried on from yesterday) is HAVE FUN.

SB

Today I would like to share a few tips to prepare you for the inevitable problems you are about to encounter with family and friends over the holiday season.

First, a bit of housekeeping.  It turns out the 12 days of Christmas (You know? The song?  Like, with turtle doves and birds stranded up trees?) actually starts on Dec 26 and goes till January 6th with it’s grand culmination on the Feast of Epiphany. Well, I didn’t know that when I started my 12 days of Christmas countdown so I hope you can live with this just being a 12 day  count down as opposed to THE 12 days of Christmas.

Where was I? Oh yes.  Dealing with family and friends over the Christmas season.  These tips are appearing here because as much as we love them (family) and this seas0n (Christmas) the next two weeks are some of the most stressful of the year.  You might as well be prepared with some practical tips to take the edge off.

Tip 1.  Limit visits to 3 days. I know this is nearly impossible when people are coming and going from many miles away, but it may be worth it to get a hotel on the 4th day.  Consider the following world proverbs:

A Guest and a fish after three days are poison. – French

A guest is like rain: when he lingers on, he becomes a nuisance. – Yiddish

Even a welcome guest becomes a parasite on the third day. – Japanese

Guests should not forget to go home. – Swedish

When the guest is in most favor, he will do well to leave. – German

Tip 2. Believe the best in other people. When Auntie May decides to add some seasoning to your prize stuffing try to believe the best.  She is old and she probably forgot she was supposed to be cooking the carrots, not the stuffing.  This kind of thinking will protect you from assuming she was trying to slight you and like she thinks she’s better than you at cooking stuffing.  This can require some “out of the box” thinking and imagination on your part, but it can save you some grief and you may have yourself a good little chuckle.

Tip 3. Realize that people act out of their hurts. You do, they do, we all do.  This is highly relevant information to keep in your mind because when people do things and say things that are totally incomprehensible you NEED to be aware that it is NOT comprehensible for a good reason.  When they do such and such that makes you mad it’s likely because they’re trying to protect themselves from being hurt (defense mechanisms) or because they got hurt in the past and never worked it through.  They are reacting out of hurt.  THERE IS NOTHING LOGICAL ABOUT REACTING TO PAST HURT IN PRESENT SITUATIONS, so don’t expect it to make sense.  We do all do it though… so be aware.

Tip 4. Alcohol does NOT take the edge off. Alcohol amplifies your emotions.  If you’re having a good time it, in moderation, might make the time better.  Yay! If you’re having a bad time it will certainly make it worse.

Tip 5.  Use a life line. When things get intense it’s totally fair to call a friend not in the room to blow off some steam.  Try to pick someone who can help calm you down – not someone who will agree with you that “they” were really wrong.

So my 12 days of Christmas countdown is upside down.  It kind of makes me wonder what else I’ve unwittingly done completely ass backwards in my life.  I hope the road to hell isn’t, in fact, paved with good intentions because if it is I’ve already gone a long way in the wrong direction.

Do you have any additional Tips?  Please leave a comment and I’ll try to include them in future posts.

sb

PS.  Let’s add a Tip 6. Try praying what has become a real special prayer to me:  “Lord, give us family like friends and friends like family.” (I got that from my oldest brother one Christmas and it stuck.)

You can read day 1o here

It turns out hot chocolate mix is a perfectly good alternative to milk (or cream) for taking the edge off your coffee. This blog is brought to you by this very trick.  Thankfully I thought of it before my hands reached the sour cream – which was my first idea.

Now on the topic of Christmas presents maybe it’s time we discussed a few alternatives to the traditional madness that surrounds the topic.

Option 1.  Get married. I am very pleased to report that I haven’t bought a single present this year.  My amazing wife has been doing it throughout the year.  She loves buying people presents but isn’t so keen on the mall so she buys it when she sees it and by the end of November she’s done.  My dad and my father-in-law live by the same credo.  I’m not sure how it works for other married guys though…

Option 2. If you can see through option 1 you realize the real secret is shop early. Marriage should be about life long commitment, not getting your shopping done.  Besides the trick wouldn’t work for my female audience so it obviously shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Option 3.  Buy a goat.

Last year my brother’s family bought me a goat for Christmas.  It was through some charity like world vision or something.  They bought the goat and it was sent to some village where the people take care of it for me, milk it for me, and one day they will even turn it into a dinner that I am welcome to participate in.  (I may miss as flights to their village are a bit dodgy at best.)   You can buy lots of things for your friends that will be sent to people in other parts of the world.  We just bought 300 pounds of rice for my other brother; which will be used for the poor in Vietnam.  (At $45 it was a great buy.) I recommend gibtk.org (I’ve seen their good work first hand in Vietnam.)  And hopethiopia. (I am friends with their director and believe in the integrity of their mission and fiscal policy.)

Option 4.  Cash. It’s the gift certificate that can be used at ANY store.  Since some people think this is boorish you can also do gift certificates.  Gift certificates are particularly good when you don’t really know someone that well.  As such, I’d beware using them for people you really know.  They can come off a bit impersonal.

Option 5. Make something. If you have even the slightest hint of creativity this is a GREAT idea.  Half of a present is how people get to tell OTHER PEOPLE about it. This is the VALUE ADDED part of the gift.  If you can dream up something creative that you can make that is interesting enough that the recipient will tell someone else about it you’ve given a gift that keeps on giving.  Everyone wants a story to share.  You can give it to them.  Last year I hid Tash’s present in a nut which I had split and carefully glued together.  Home made cards are cool.  How about a song or a poem?  My mom is quite a good artist and has drawn pictures for my bros.  All good ideas. All memorable.

Option 6.  Online purchases: EBAY. Avoid the malls and get neat stuff.  Ebay is chock full of neat ideas for Christmas.  If you have someone on your list who is into something you know absolutely nothing about just type it in on ebay… something WILL come up.  Find your price range, bid, win, ship and you’re done. Maybe they already have said thing, but they’ll be impressed by your good efforts.  (I’m currently into squash, fly fishing, ducati, mac, writing if you need any ideas for me.) I’d hurry if I were you – you’ll probably have to pay for premium shipping already if you want it for Christmas.

Option 7. TIME. My friend just told me they don’t “do” presents (except for the kids.) Instead, each person treats the rest of the family to a certain event some time during the year.  This year they went to Jublilations Theater,  Out for Dinner, and one other thing which I can’t remember. If you can hack being around your family this is a great great great option.

Option 8. (Hmm… this is day 10… can we get up to 10 options?)  HOw about this: An honest conversation.  There are a lot of secrets in our family.  At least I think there are.  I wish we could be honest with each other.  Tell each other how we’ve been hurt with a mind to forgive and forget and move on.  You might also want to tell someone you love them.  I think that could be pretty special – even though it can be really hard to do.  (My thoughts on those sacred / scary words here.)

Option 9. This is an extension of Option 8:  a “Things I like About You List.” A few years ago my  brother thought it would be good to share the things he thought different people ought to work on in our family.  I thought might be a bit abrupt and proposed he write a list of things he thought people were doing really well.  Hmm… that’s still quite a good idea.  Compliment sheets for everyone in the family.  Just have everyone sit in a circle. Give them a piece of paper with instructions to write their name on the top.  Get them to pass it to the right and then write a compliment on the paper in front of them for whoever’s page it is.  Pass and write… pass and write. Before long there will be a bunch of nice things said about each person.  I think if you put it together you can claim this as a reasonable present.  OR just do it yourself and send it out if you can’t be there in person.

Option 10. Hmm… maybe someone else has an idea. I’m out.

Funny.  When I couldn’t find cream it seamed a real curse to me.  BUT in the end I got a mocha out of it and a Day 10 blog.  I hope this helps you get through the season and inspires you to look for a few alternatives to make Christmas bearable.

Good luck!

sb

Ah Christmas.  The great three part holiday. The birthday of Jesus OR the reason for what I now understand is increasingly known as “Winter Holidays.” OR the time when Santa masquerades around the planet on his sleigh.  Judging by the songs out there I’d say the popular sentiment rest in option 1 or 3.  The beauty is you get to pick.

Regardless of your choice I invite you to join me here for my 12 days of Christmas.

At first I was going to call this series “Christmas Can be Sad.”

Why such a morbid title?  Well, because it’s true.  And at the time of the year when maybe a few things seem a little ,well, false  – I thought a little truth might be welcome.

“Expectations are premeditated resentments.” At least that’s what they say.   That’s why Christmas can be so hard.  We have expectations that the songs will be true.  That we’ll deck the halls while walking in a winter wonderland as the jingle bells of sleighs filled with laughing children go by.  The songs tells us that we should be eating chestnuts by the open fire and that if we listen carefully we ought to hear some angels singing. (“Hark! Do you hear what I hear??”  We would ask perplexed as love and peace swam over our souls and angelic hosts lit up the well worn highway between here and wherever you’re trying to get.)

These things, by and large, do NOT happen. (That’s why I wrote my own 12 day count down to Christmas.)

More often than not cars slug bumper to bumper down icy roads in a 9 round battle to get to work, to make the money required to spend at the mall; which requires more driving  -all to jostle our way through the throng of panic stricken shoppers looking for the perfect gift, or at least the one that says “I tried” or at very least the one that says, “You gave me something so now I have to give you something.” <deep breath> <sigh>

What about family?  Well, that’s the ultimate bee hive of expectations that buzz around our brains as we buzz around the living rooms of those people who know us, love us, and annoy us the most.

It’s not that expectations are all bad, either.  It’s quite reasonable to want to feel loved, for example.

While it can be sad Christmas can also be a joyous time full of laughing, funning, gaming, and rejoicing. That’s why I can’t call this 12 day series my original title.  I don’t want to focus on the bad.

BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW SOME OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS WON’T BE MET I INVITE YOU TO JOIN ME THESE 12 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN.  IT’LL BE FUN, BUT IT WON’T BE FAKE. Maybe read this blog when you feel anything but rested (ye merry gentlemen.) OR when it becomes clear that Santa is NOT coming to town due to poor weather conditions. (I’d like to do my part to keep the alarmingly high number of people who go to the hospital during this season due to stress related break downs.)

We’ll look at what makes people do what they do, reflect on the best buys at the mall, South Park’s take on the season, perhaps if you’re bold you’ll share your story here.  AND with any luck we can get through the holiday together.

Sit back and enjoy.

See you tomorrow.

sb

Perpetual growth is the goal of the economy. Like a perpetual motion machine I’m not so sure it’s possible.

If The Economy was a high school football team the slogan on their team paraphernalia would be “More!” Their mascot?  Homer Simpson eating donuts – all the donuts in the world (!) to the utter amazement of the devil.

More!  has led to many amazing innovations:  Internet, cars, refrigerators, computers, chrome toasters… Still, my 97 year old “aunt” was telling me, just yesterday, how much things had changed since she raised her kids.  “We didn’t have all the gadgets, but we had a lot of fun.” Her smile kind of makes you wonder how much better we are for all the stuff.

The creativity of More! isn’t bad or something.  It’s not like innovation is wrong or bad or unholy.  I was driving my “Aunt” in the car where we were both enjoying the heated seats. I just wonder if More! is the best guiding principle for a society to function on.

It made sense for Oliver Twist to ask for more. (‘Please, sir, I want some more.‘)  He was an orphan – a starving orphan – who was quite genuine in asking for more.  Ironically he could have said “Please, sir, I need some more.” and it would not have been a stretch.  (SIDE THOUGHT:  have you noticed how we have swapped the usage of the words “want” and “need” in our culture?)

Master Twist was not even asking for himself.  If you read the book of his life (and bearing the same name) you’ll see he was actually commissioned by the other orphans to ask for more.  They were all hungry. Oliver drew the short straw and bore the brunt of the ladle as a result.

John The Baptist addressed this issue when he spoke with a tax collector.

“Tax collectors also came to be baptized. “Teacher,” they asked, “what should we do?”

“Don’t collect any more than you are required to,” he told
them.”  Luke 3:12-13  NIV

In a modern age what this lesson means has somewhat mind boggling implications.   Businesses could become content making a consistent profit, year – to -year, instead of having to grow every year.  Some parents could stay home with their children 25% more of the time because they actually only need 75% of their income to live.  Down-And-Outs might be able to start up small businesses to perform the services not conducted by the bigger companies that were now content to maintain instead of grow.  Who knows? The insane pressure to “get ahead” may even diminish.

You see, what John is proposing is a budget (READ: limit) on income instead of a budget on expense (which, presumably would follow.)

Given that ninety-something percent of The Haves have more than ninety-something percent of the rest of the world it is more possible than you or I may think.

BELOW: Homer, driven by his desire for donuts makes a deal with the Devil.  “Ulp, More!”

“You can’t handle the truth!”  A Few Good Men and a few good words…

You know the movie.  Those fabled lines set up Jack Nicholson for a monologue that is his undoing but that resound so deeply in our culture that we are forced to admit that we want to him to be right – even if he’s wrong.

You see, the truth is: he’s right.  I can’t handle the truth.

In a recent, let’s call it “discussion,” with a dear friend I was confronted from fairly, let’s call them “cutting” remarks.

Of course, they cut because, at least, in part, they are true.

I wish I could re-enact my personal version of A Few Good Men for you today.   I want to take you to the courtroom and I want you to side with me.  I want you to see there was a lot of stuff not addressed in those remarks that cut me. Deep.  What about HIS problems?  What about the screens HE looks through that color all of HIS observations?What about the good things I’ve done?

The problem is.  That’s just me hiding the truth.  The truth is in some ways he is right.  What he said has some TRUTH in it.

Of course, that brings up a much bigger question – posed by a much more famous actor in a much more important story. Pontius Pilate.  He was the guy who, in the end, gave Jesus to the Jews to be crucified, but not before asking (himself, his wife, Jesus?) this little zinger:  “What is truth?”  (Quid est veritas?)

Jesus had just told him that anyone who was for truth was for Him (Jesus.)

Whoa!  FOR truth? Like I’m FOR my wife or I’m FOR, idonno, some football team or something?  Like it’s its own unit?  It’s own thing that exists irrespective of our opinion of it that we have to side with or not?

I’m afraid so.

And while it may be my friend was having a bad day (or not) or that he has some issues to work through, too (or doesn’t) the absolute fact is that as a result of his remarks this unit, this thing, called truth is knocking at the door of my heart.  (Or is it slowly slicing into the meaty part of it? Cutting?)  In any case, it’s there and it can’t be ignored.  No matter where it came from.

What is truth?  The truth is that I am a work in progress and that regardless of my (hopefully, more often than not good) intentions I can hurt people – badly. (I can and I have…)

It’s probably best I can’t answer Pilate’s question – I doubt I could handle it.

-sb

A Few Good Men Clip

A Few Good Creative Men Clip (Parody of the original – very funny!)

PS.

It drives me nuts that Tom Cruise is always the somewhat-smarter-than-everyone-else guy in movies.  Come on People… How on EARTH did he end up being the Last Samurai?? Why does he get to win over Jack Nicholson? (A superior, or at least, less annoying actor IMHO.)  I’m so grateful for Southpark putting him in his place.  A closet.

“What to do when your wife is an early bird and you are a night owl?”

Last night was the first time I’ve had to think about it.

You see, at 11:00 pm I am perfectly awake.  My mind is active. My eyes only stay closed with effort.

She, on the other hand, is already an hour past her ideal sleeping time.  Her mind is barely functioning above a quiet idle and she DOES NOT want to talk about the critical problem that has arisen: namely, my lack of tiredness. (hypotiredation.)

I thought I’d get a book to pass the time.  Out into the hallway and to my office I went.

“Can you close the door? -the hallway light is in my eyes…”

Having grabbed a book I’m back to the room, turn out the lights, but I leave the door open.  (It lets in a cool breeze.)

In the meantime she has turned to avoid the hallway light. Unfortunately she is now facing my reading lamp.

When I click it on I am made aware of this fact by her slurry objections. It doesn’t seem like a good time to point out she should turn back the other way.

I close my book (Bleak House, by Charles Dickens) and turn off the light.  I love my wife and don’t want her to miss out on a good nights rest.

In the mean time.  I scheme.  I want to find a solution. And it’s not as simple as going somewhere else in the house. No, no… the second I leave the bedroom I feel a teensy bit, well, too far away.

It came to me today.  It’s not glamorous, or hard to implement.  In fact, it seems to be pure genius.

Audio books.

Tonight I will I will happily ‘read’ Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell as she dozes off in a still and dark room that is only interrupted by my  muted laughter and the faint light of my iphone.

-sb