Stephen Bleile

We all already know what NOT to look at.  (See no evil, hear no evil, etc. )But what do we put our focus on?  Is it enough to know what NOT to do? 

I think not. 

Thinking about what NOT to do still means you are focusing on that very thing you are trying to avoid.  Instead we need a mechanism by which we can focus on anything else – and by extension – what is good to focus on.

Good focus produces ideas, and ultimatley adventure.

Bad focus can produce a myriad problems such as fear, stress, inactivity and at its logical end: boredom!

Black ice with sections of asphalt, blowing snow, “I’m asphyxiating it’s so hot in here,” “I’m too cold, my fingers are ice cycles!” and a dog doing his best to maintain his sovereignty over the very small part of the station wagon allotted to him.  Yes, these are the things that make for a great road trip.

We’re driving me Mudder-In-Law’s newish station wagon and I’m plenty pleased about that.  The head lights work in this car; which is a site more (no pun intended) than I can say about the headlights on our car.  Plus, it has an aux port that I can plug my ipod into.  Yes!  I won’t be forced to listen to music on our journey which will inevitably be much longer than usual.  As I think I mentioned there is more ice than asphalt on the road today.

Our mission is to get to the family acreage just west of Edmonton where our holidays can materialize in a peaceful and pastoral setting that most would be jealous of.  Everyone else seems to be pretty relaxed apart from the occasional grumbling from the back seat.  Me Fawder-in-Law is showing pretty good restraint, but despite his best intentions he is, in fact, a back seat driver.

We pull into the drive way and are delighted to discover that the lock to the gate is frozen solid.  A few minutes later David, (aka Daffle. aka me Fawder-in-law) gets it working.

It is 11:30pm and we’re all in the house.  We left Calgary at 4:30.  Albeit we stopped in Red Deer for a sit down meal, but it’s still a long trip no matter how you dice it.

My big insight from the trip?  Well it’s this:  people who are not feeling relaxed like to tell other people to relax. I reminds me of that amazing bit of wisdom hidden in the lines by Mr. Shakespeare:  “Methinks thou doth protest too much.” (This is a misquote, by the way, but I really don’t care – there’s truth in it whether or not Shakespeare said it.  More on the misquote here.) I take this bastardized quote to mean: we complain about stuff we are guilty of.

Christmas Tip:  Study the people you are with. What do they complain about? Are they guilty of the same?  If they ask you to relax you can probably assume they don’t feel relaxed. Use this to your mutual benefit and figure out how to make them feel calm.

Christmas Tip: There is another powerful tool for understanding what people are REALLY thinking about themselves.  COMPLIMENTS. There is an ancient proverb that reads: The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but man is tested by the praise he receives.  Yup, it’s easy.  Compliment people and see how they respond.  You can learn an awful lot about them.  You can even try it on yourself.  How do you react when receiving a compliment?

What if someone told you: “That was a great present you picked for me.”  ?   Would you say in your heart, “Oh, I’m really glad you liked it.”  Or would you say, “Oh, it’s not exactly what I wanted to get you!” OR, “If only you knew how much I wish we could get along… this gift is the only way I can show you love.”  (Or a mix of all.)  I’m not sure what you’ll discover, but you’ll learn something about yourselves and others.

We’re all squared away in our rooms now.  I’m writing because I’m really desperate to finish my 12 days in some sort of style and a miss just doesn’t seem like I’d be doing the countdown justice.  That and, well, this is a nice break from driving.  Flexing my creative muscle a bit does wonders for my personality.  Lucky for me, and everyone else, Tash and me Mudder-in-Law forced me to bring a guitar.  I suspect it will bring great peace and harmony to my heart over the holidays and will spare my family me asking them to relax.

I’m mostly done Tash’s shopping (The only person I have to buy for…) but I still have one thing I’d like to get her.

How’s your shopping going?   On holidays yet?

I hope all is well.

sb

(BTW Despite numerous attacks from suitcases and food that managed to launch covert ops from the bags they were hiding in the dog did maintain his spot in the car.)

Oh, and “I am sorry.”  That’s the other hardest three words to say.

Why, though?

Why is it nearly impossible to tell someone that you love them?

What makes those words so awkward to utter?

Anyone who has been to a wedding conducted in the Christian tradition will recall the minister expounding on the three different words/types of love from whatever language the Bible was written in.  These three loves are Eros, Philia and Agape.

From what I can tell Eros is like, um, erotic.  Sort of sexy / animal instinct / passionate / hollywoody.

Philia seems more like brotherly / family love.

And Agape is God love.  That is to say how God loves.

I suppose the minister would usually conclude that for a healthy marriage the couple should learn to walk in all three types of love.

Maybe it’s this diversity of meaning that are all boiled down to the word “love” that make it so awkward.  I mean if you came up to me and suggested you erotically loved me and that I made you feel like an animal in heat I suppose I would feel uncomfortable. (Correction: I know FOR SURE I would.)

The other problem is that we love everything.  I love ice cream.  I love Dr. House.  I love the way they used lego to re-enact a particular system of a down song.   I love baby Jesus, etc. Maybe subconsciously we figure we can’t tell other people that we love them because we know we’ve already used up that word on stupid stuff.

I don’t know the answer exactly but I wish it wasn’t so.  I mean after all… I think The Beatles were right:  all we need is love. It’s ironic as the British are about the last people group in the world that you would associate with any sort of emotional expression. (It wouldn’t be proper, don’t you know.)

Fine.  I’ll say it.

I LOVE YOU.

Hello Everyone.

I’ve had an idea:  Let’s put Rogers and Blockbusters out of business.  It would be great fun and it would be a sweet way to get to know the neighbors.

Here’s the thing.  On an average street, with average neighbors, and average life styles we can assume that there are a lot of people watching movies that they have either purchased or rented.

On average they are likely watching a lot of the same movies.  THE SAME MOVIES I WOULD SPEND $5 TO RENT.  This is how Blockbusters / Rogers make money.  They sell the same thing over and over again.  Their model works soley because neighbors are not organized enough to share their resources.

IDEA: What if you could set up some sort of system whereby people on your block would know what movies you and everyone else has.  Then, when they want to ‘rent’ a movie they could just cross the street and borrow it from you or  Mr. and Mrs. Smith  instead?

I’m sure some facebook app. could be designed… or maybe just a google doc to share the information? It could be pretty basic:

Mr. and Mrs. Smith have the following titles:  blah, blah, and blah.  Jimmie has the following titles: (blah, zip and zap.)

It’s really like napster… only you would actually be sharing a physical thing.  And THAT is certainly above board.

I think you could meet a lot of your neighbors, save some money, and even have quite a good time in the process.  Some entrepreneurial person might even make a buck off of said system.

If enough people did it we could even put Rogers/ Blockbusters out of business… or at very least force them to stock hard to find movies.

“What to do when your wife is an early bird and you are a night owl?”

Last night was the first time I’ve had to think about it.

You see, at 11:00 pm I am perfectly awake.  My mind is active. My eyes only stay closed with effort.

She, on the other hand, is already an hour past her ideal sleeping time.  Her mind is barely functioning above a quiet idle and she DOES NOT want to talk about the critical problem that has arisen: namely, my lack of tiredness. (hypotiredation.)

I thought I’d get a book to pass the time.  Out into the hallway and to my office I went.

“Can you close the door? -the hallway light is in my eyes…”

Having grabbed a book I’m back to the room, turn out the lights, but I leave the door open.  (It lets in a cool breeze.)

In the meantime she has turned to avoid the hallway light. Unfortunately she is now facing my reading lamp.

When I click it on I am made aware of this fact by her slurry objections. It doesn’t seem like a good time to point out she should turn back the other way.

I close my book (Bleak House, by Charles Dickens) and turn off the light.  I love my wife and don’t want her to miss out on a good nights rest.

In the mean time.  I scheme.  I want to find a solution. And it’s not as simple as going somewhere else in the house. No, no… the second I leave the bedroom I feel a teensy bit, well, too far away.

It came to me today.  It’s not glamorous, or hard to implement.  In fact, it seems to be pure genius.

Audio books.

Tonight I will I will happily ‘read’ Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell as she dozes off in a still and dark room that is only interrupted by my  muted laughter and the faint light of my iphone.

-sb

Little kids have the right idea.  Get a friend.  Connect your imaginations.  And go on an adventure.

Luckily for me, I’m not too old to keep up the same tricks.

This week I met with three friends – hoping they would help me to write the book I don’t know how to write.  Trent creates experiences with purpose for his corporate clients.  Justin is a Sr. Communications guy (despite being but 30 years old) at an oil company, and Christine is a retired prof from the U of C who taught Justin and me rhetoric in Uni and who happens to remind me (quite a bit) of my Gran in the UK.

My three friends and I never went anywhere, per se, but we did go on an adventure.  We never left our chairs, but we overcome obstacles, shared fellowship, and experienced the adventure that is reserved for those who have not forgotten how to really live life together.

The Bible is not fair.  It says,

¹²Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. Matt 13:12

Doesn’t this make the Bible some sort of Fat-Cat-Empowering Manifesto? -cementing the fate of the poor, the widow, the orphan? -while turning a blind eye to-, or even condoning the-, steady and seemingly endless accumulation of “having” demonstrated by the rich?

What about these two pastors who got busted for jacking US$3.1M from their congregation?

Truthfully, I’ve been wondering about this verse for years.  The dang problem is that it seems to be true.

The Haves do seem to continue having more and the Have Nots… well, in the venerable words of Midnight Oil “The rich get richer and the poor get the picture.”

There are two principles at work here: the first is a basic matter of capital and the second is a matter of perspective.

If I’m not mistaken it is not uncommon for pro athletes to sign US $100M and up contracts.  Tiger Woods reportedly earned just shy of US $12M in the 2007 season from his salary and winnings.  But the kicker is, he made US$ 100M in endorsements.  The point being, of course, he made a fair bit of coin, but hot on the heals of that money he made even more money in endorsements.  He had, and then he had some more.

Since I have yet to sign that million dollar golf deal I have a relatively small amount to invest.  When my intuition is right and my stock goes up 300% (Thanks Painted Pony) my thousand dollars becomes three thousand.  Of course, my friend who put in 10 thousand saw his money zoom up to 30 thousand.  He had and then he had some more.

These are both examples of capital growing.

The second principle in play here is about what we can see about ourselves.  When I read The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz I become aware that I have a lot to offer the world.  Ideas, creativity, my intuition etc.  As I see these strengths and act on them -low and behold what I have multiplies.  Sometimes in money, sometimes in more ideas, and sometimes in really good adventures.

It is when I can’t see them, lose site of the strengths in a sea of my own weakness and depression that I become inert and incapable of creating change. I watch TV for Jesus and that’s about it. The little good I can see in me becomes nothing as I stew on how wretched I am.  I lose even the little I had.

So is the Bible unfair, or is it just calling a spade a spade?

Near as I can tell Jesus said Christians ought to love the poor so I think it might be the latter.

It IS horribly unfair that ministers use the good book to build a church and then siphon the funds for gain.  Let God judge them, I’ve buried a few too many treasures to think I won’t be judged myself.

Fat Cats

Here’s the excuse you’ve been waiting for to have some fun, live an adventure, tackle that little idea in the back of your head, take some quiet time for yourself, get people interested in your life, get interested in other people’s lives, make some money or perhaps get out of the pews and into the streets.

From June 14-20th I will be attempting to execute one idea per day that will stimulate my sense of adventure, impact at least one other person’s life, and hopefully create a few stories.

I invite you to join me here as I document the results.  I also invite you to try the same and share your stories with me.

Here are a few principles from my book (Before Your First Steps:  A Cure for Manic Boredom) that might help you get started:

1. Slow down.  Take 5 minutes to be still.  This will likely kill you; proceed to step 2 to get thinking about something.

2. Think about something you’d like someone else to do for you this very moment, or yesterday, or tomorrow.

>”Geez, I wish someone would mow the lawn.”

>”I would like an ice cream sandwich.”

>”I wish someone would invite me to do something.”

3. Think about something you could do to make someone else smile that wouldn’t take too long and would likely result in a smile.

>Pick up trash blown onto neighbors lawn

>Invite someone for dinner

>Comment on someone’s blog

4. Think about how you could impliment your ideas in number 2 for someone else.

5. Take one ideas from 3 or 4 and go try it! (Or use one from this list.)

6. Bring along a camera or notepad and document the results.

7. Post them on facebook or on this site.

8. Check out how my adventures are going.