Stephen Bleile

Today I would like to share a few tips to prepare you for the inevitable problems you are about to encounter with family and friends over the holiday season.

First, a bit of housekeeping.  It turns out the 12 days of Christmas (You know? The song?  Like, with turtle doves and birds stranded up trees?) actually starts on Dec 26 and goes till January 6th with it’s grand culmination on the Feast of Epiphany. Well, I didn’t know that when I started my 12 days of Christmas countdown so I hope you can live with this just being a 12 day  count down as opposed to THE 12 days of Christmas.

Where was I? Oh yes.  Dealing with family and friends over the Christmas season.  These tips are appearing here because as much as we love them (family) and this seas0n (Christmas) the next two weeks are some of the most stressful of the year.  You might as well be prepared with some practical tips to take the edge off.

Tip 1.  Limit visits to 3 days. I know this is nearly impossible when people are coming and going from many miles away, but it may be worth it to get a hotel on the 4th day.  Consider the following world proverbs:

A Guest and a fish after three days are poison. – French

A guest is like rain: when he lingers on, he becomes a nuisance. – Yiddish

Even a welcome guest becomes a parasite on the third day. – Japanese

Guests should not forget to go home. – Swedish

When the guest is in most favor, he will do well to leave. – German

Tip 2. Believe the best in other people. When Auntie May decides to add some seasoning to your prize stuffing try to believe the best.  She is old and she probably forgot she was supposed to be cooking the carrots, not the stuffing.  This kind of thinking will protect you from assuming she was trying to slight you and like she thinks she’s better than you at cooking stuffing.  This can require some “out of the box” thinking and imagination on your part, but it can save you some grief and you may have yourself a good little chuckle.

Tip 3. Realize that people act out of their hurts. You do, they do, we all do.  This is highly relevant information to keep in your mind because when people do things and say things that are totally incomprehensible you NEED to be aware that it is NOT comprehensible for a good reason.  When they do such and such that makes you mad it’s likely because they’re trying to protect themselves from being hurt (defense mechanisms) or because they got hurt in the past and never worked it through.  They are reacting out of hurt.  THERE IS NOTHING LOGICAL ABOUT REACTING TO PAST HURT IN PRESENT SITUATIONS, so don’t expect it to make sense.  We do all do it though… so be aware.

Tip 4. Alcohol does NOT take the edge off. Alcohol amplifies your emotions.  If you’re having a good time it, in moderation, might make the time better.  Yay! If you’re having a bad time it will certainly make it worse.

Tip 5.  Use a life line. When things get intense it’s totally fair to call a friend not in the room to blow off some steam.  Try to pick someone who can help calm you down – not someone who will agree with you that “they” were really wrong.

So my 12 days of Christmas countdown is upside down.  It kind of makes me wonder what else I’ve unwittingly done completely ass backwards in my life.  I hope the road to hell isn’t, in fact, paved with good intentions because if it is I’ve already gone a long way in the wrong direction.

Do you have any additional Tips?  Please leave a comment and I’ll try to include them in future posts.

sb

PS.  Let’s add a Tip 6. Try praying what has become a real special prayer to me:  “Lord, give us family like friends and friends like family.” (I got that from my oldest brother one Christmas and it stuck.)

You can read day 1o here