Stephen Bleile

Black ice with sections of asphalt, blowing snow, “I’m asphyxiating it’s so hot in here,” “I’m too cold, my fingers are ice cycles!” and a dog doing his best to maintain his sovereignty over the very small part of the station wagon allotted to him.  Yes, these are the things that make for a great road trip.

We’re driving me Mudder-In-Law’s newish station wagon and I’m plenty pleased about that.  The head lights work in this car; which is a site more (no pun intended) than I can say about the headlights on our car.  Plus, it has an aux port that I can plug my ipod into.  Yes!  I won’t be forced to listen to music on our journey which will inevitably be much longer than usual.  As I think I mentioned there is more ice than asphalt on the road today.

Our mission is to get to the family acreage just west of Edmonton where our holidays can materialize in a peaceful and pastoral setting that most would be jealous of.  Everyone else seems to be pretty relaxed apart from the occasional grumbling from the back seat.  Me Fawder-in-Law is showing pretty good restraint, but despite his best intentions he is, in fact, a back seat driver.

We pull into the drive way and are delighted to discover that the lock to the gate is frozen solid.  A few minutes later David, (aka Daffle. aka me Fawder-in-law) gets it working.

It is 11:30pm and we’re all in the house.  We left Calgary at 4:30.  Albeit we stopped in Red Deer for a sit down meal, but it’s still a long trip no matter how you dice it.

My big insight from the trip?  Well it’s this:  people who are not feeling relaxed like to tell other people to relax. I reminds me of that amazing bit of wisdom hidden in the lines by Mr. Shakespeare:  “Methinks thou doth protest too much.” (This is a misquote, by the way, but I really don’t care – there’s truth in it whether or not Shakespeare said it.  More on the misquote here.) I take this bastardized quote to mean: we complain about stuff we are guilty of.

Christmas Tip:  Study the people you are with. What do they complain about? Are they guilty of the same?  If they ask you to relax you can probably assume they don’t feel relaxed. Use this to your mutual benefit and figure out how to make them feel calm.

Christmas Tip: There is another powerful tool for understanding what people are REALLY thinking about themselves.  COMPLIMENTS. There is an ancient proverb that reads: The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but man is tested by the praise he receives.  Yup, it’s easy.  Compliment people and see how they respond.  You can learn an awful lot about them.  You can even try it on yourself.  How do you react when receiving a compliment?

What if someone told you: “That was a great present you picked for me.”  ?   Would you say in your heart, “Oh, I’m really glad you liked it.”  Or would you say, “Oh, it’s not exactly what I wanted to get you!” OR, “If only you knew how much I wish we could get along… this gift is the only way I can show you love.”  (Or a mix of all.)  I’m not sure what you’ll discover, but you’ll learn something about yourselves and others.

We’re all squared away in our rooms now.  I’m writing because I’m really desperate to finish my 12 days in some sort of style and a miss just doesn’t seem like I’d be doing the countdown justice.  That and, well, this is a nice break from driving.  Flexing my creative muscle a bit does wonders for my personality.  Lucky for me, and everyone else, Tash and me Mudder-in-Law forced me to bring a guitar.  I suspect it will bring great peace and harmony to my heart over the holidays and will spare my family me asking them to relax.

I’m mostly done Tash’s shopping (The only person I have to buy for…) but I still have one thing I’d like to get her.

How’s your shopping going?   On holidays yet?

I hope all is well.

sb

(BTW Despite numerous attacks from suitcases and food that managed to launch covert ops from the bags they were hiding in the dog did maintain his spot in the car.)

Oh, and “I am sorry.”  That’s the other hardest three words to say.

Why, though?

Why is it nearly impossible to tell someone that you love them?

What makes those words so awkward to utter?

Anyone who has been to a wedding conducted in the Christian tradition will recall the minister expounding on the three different words/types of love from whatever language the Bible was written in.  These three loves are Eros, Philia and Agape.

From what I can tell Eros is like, um, erotic.  Sort of sexy / animal instinct / passionate / hollywoody.

Philia seems more like brotherly / family love.

And Agape is God love.  That is to say how God loves.

I suppose the minister would usually conclude that for a healthy marriage the couple should learn to walk in all three types of love.

Maybe it’s this diversity of meaning that are all boiled down to the word “love” that make it so awkward.  I mean if you came up to me and suggested you erotically loved me and that I made you feel like an animal in heat I suppose I would feel uncomfortable. (Correction: I know FOR SURE I would.)

The other problem is that we love everything.  I love ice cream.  I love Dr. House.  I love the way they used lego to re-enact a particular system of a down song.   I love baby Jesus, etc. Maybe subconsciously we figure we can’t tell other people that we love them because we know we’ve already used up that word on stupid stuff.

I don’t know the answer exactly but I wish it wasn’t so.  I mean after all… I think The Beatles were right:  all we need is love. It’s ironic as the British are about the last people group in the world that you would associate with any sort of emotional expression. (It wouldn’t be proper, don’t you know.)

Fine.  I’ll say it.

I LOVE YOU.

Hello Everyone.

I’ve had an idea:  Let’s put Rogers and Blockbusters out of business.  It would be great fun and it would be a sweet way to get to know the neighbors.

Here’s the thing.  On an average street, with average neighbors, and average life styles we can assume that there are a lot of people watching movies that they have either purchased or rented.

On average they are likely watching a lot of the same movies.  THE SAME MOVIES I WOULD SPEND $5 TO RENT.  This is how Blockbusters / Rogers make money.  They sell the same thing over and over again.  Their model works soley because neighbors are not organized enough to share their resources.

IDEA: What if you could set up some sort of system whereby people on your block would know what movies you and everyone else has.  Then, when they want to ‘rent’ a movie they could just cross the street and borrow it from you or  Mr. and Mrs. Smith  instead?

I’m sure some facebook app. could be designed… or maybe just a google doc to share the information? It could be pretty basic:

Mr. and Mrs. Smith have the following titles:  blah, blah, and blah.  Jimmie has the following titles: (blah, zip and zap.)

It’s really like napster… only you would actually be sharing a physical thing.  And THAT is certainly above board.

I think you could meet a lot of your neighbors, save some money, and even have quite a good time in the process.  Some entrepreneurial person might even make a buck off of said system.

If enough people did it we could even put Rogers/ Blockbusters out of business… or at very least force them to stock hard to find movies.

Life is like a boy throwing rocks into a lake.

On one shore of the lake there is a town called Passion and on the other Provision.

The boy was raised in Passion throwing rocks whose ripples lapped the shore.

As he grew he knew, instinctively, he had to move to Provision and as he threw his rocks they lapped its banks.  But he always longed for home.

As long as the echos of the ripples at Provision would last he would go back to Passion.  Then he would return.

As he grew his outrospection inspired him and his experiences strengthened him.

He began to throw larger and larger rocks higher and higher until they hit the middle of the lake – ripples racing to either shore.

“How would you change the world?” was the inane question I was assigned. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. I was supposed to write IN FIVE PAGES how I would make the world a better place. My grade 10 mind exploded.

“Was this some kind of joke?”

My completed masterpiece was entitled “Gold Fish and World Peace.” Really, I might as well have called it “The Stupid Paper by a Know-it-all kid Who Thinks This Assignment is a Big Fat Waste of Time.” It was no essay I had handed in:  It was a mockera –a hastily thrown together (and mildly entertaining) project in which I crammed the first thoughts that came to mind. (In fact, I sign Christmas cards using the same writing philosophy.)

The idea I submitted was simple:  give every household in the world a gold fish.

I think the plan was that the gold fish would serve as a reminder to the families that they needed to think about something or someone other than themselves.  I reasoned that because it was a living creature people would feel more in tune with nature and therefore would be less likely to throw away recyclables or to pour paint down the drain.  I loftily portrayed neighbors united in their common cause of caring for their goldfish –forgetting about tools not returned and embracing the fish as a new symbol of hope.  Warring factions would see the common bond of the fish between them and stop slaughtering one another. “You have a fish and I have a fish… we are brothers.” It was a beautiful world I had written.

I don’t recall scoring particularly well on that paper, but I think I may have actually learned something.

Truthfully, I think that teacher asked one of the most important questions I have ever been asked. How would I take responsibility in the world and make a difference? How would I put myself in the game? How would I make a difference? That teacher taught me that I could be a part of the solution to the problems I could see around me.

It has been eleven years since I was in grade ten and, you know?, there are not many times that question has come up since.

Do I still think that everyone should own a goldfish?  Well, let’s just say I think there are better options… you might be able to think of some yourself.  Do I think my idea was dumb?  Impractical –yes.  Dumb –no.

The grim reality is that the world WOULD be a better place if I gave my neighbor a gold fish. It’s even grimmer that I probably won’t. It just doesn’t seem like a BIG enough solution.

Has anyone ever asked you how you’d fix the world?

If you can’t think of anything, you might want to give someone a goldfish.

There are two things that I remember from Chemistry 30 about fire. They stand out in my mind because they both seem so odd.

First, a fire will only burn if oxygen is present.  No matter what fuel is present if there is no oxygen there will be no fire. This is why, contrary to popular believe, one should not try to blow fires out.  Yes, it works on birthday candles, but it tends to make things worse in most situations.

Second, the natural bi-product of every fire is water.  It’s true.  When hydrogen and oxygen burn they combine to make water.  Of course it doesn’t make so much water that it puts the fire out… it is quite hot (on account of the fire) and so should probably be classified as steam rather than water. (http://van.physics.illinois.edu/qa/listing.php?id=475)

(Thank you Calgary Board of Education.)

I bring this up as a Stage Two of the discussion concerning the combination of passion and creativity that yields life changing results.

According to my mac [F12] dictionary creativity is “the use of the imagination or original ideas, esp. in the production of an artistic work.”

I think the first half of this is agreeable enough, but the latter misses the mark.

It sort of suggests that the invention of Velcro didn’t have an ounce of creativity in it. Or that Einstein’s approach wasn’t creative.

Sure there is a whole group of people out there using their creativity for artistic work, but that doesn’t exclude everyone else from being creative! Creativity can show herself in many many different ways.  Sorry, I mean many many many different ways.

In fact every person has the innate ability to create.

Stephen Covey, in his book 7 Habbits of Highly Successful People gives us a wonderful insight into creativity.

He says that every action, every step, every piece of art, every bridge, every piece of garbage collected is the result of not one but two creative steps.

The first is seeing before it is.  Seeing your foot take the next step.  Seeing how your art could turn out.  Seeing how a bridge will work and drawing its schematics.  Seeing the floor clear of rubbish.

The second act of creation is actualizing that which you envisioned.  Taking the step, painting the picture, building the bridge, and picking up the trash.

In this light we are all very very creative people.  We see and act every day.

Perhaps picking up garbage isn’t the most creative thing in the world. At some point someone did get creative about the task, though. A grabber/ nabber was affixed to the end of a pole.  It could be operated from the top of the pole.  Perfect! the creator didn’t have to bend over so much. Seems pretty creative to me.

Creativity can invigorate any activity that requires you to exert yourself to find a solution.  (See Chpt. 9 and 10 that deal with how to focus creativity.)

Creativity is one of those things that is hard to describe. It’s a little too fluent to really peg down.  In that way it’s a bit like air.

As was mentioned at the top of this article.  Air has the potential to make things HOT. And we’re back to the car…

Performance vehicles are specially tuned to ram extra air into the engine so it can burn the fuel more efficiently and produce more power.

When we want to cover greater distances at more exilirrating speeds in the cars of our lives we must add air.

So to must we add creativity to our passion.  It is this blend that creates explosive energy catupluting our livese into the best selling biographies section of Chapters and making an honest-to-God difference in our world.

When your potential employer asks you a question he wants you to tell him about your car. No matter the question he is interested in only one thing. Your Car.  When he asks about your education tell him about your car.  When he asks about your relevant experience tell him about your car.

Actually, it’s just the sort of thing that everyone wants to hear you talk about.  Your dentist, your friends, your BFF, and even your mom. Your car your car your car.

C.a.r, you see, is actually a clever acronym for

Circumstance

Action

Result

So really, people wnat to hear your stories.  They want to hear your interactions with your world.  They want to know what you did and what happened as a result.

That being said, I should confess that this piece is not really about your car.  It is actually about living a story that is so enriched by creative action and the hope that your initiatives can make your environment better that  people will want to read your biography while searching for the HBO mini series of the same title.

The car analogy is convenient.  In fact there is another that is built on the chassis of the same frame. (That frame being a car.)

Everyone is born with a measure of talent, creativity, and passion.  So far as I can see no two are born identical. Unlike a car, every human being has unique insights, ideas, and impetus to interact with their world. (Only in the dreary  halls of dullardrum do we see people as all-the-same or equally talented and passionate in the same way.)

Cars are amazingly intricate pieces of machinery.  Sufficiently so that most people take their car to the shop to get it fixed, despite astronomical shop fees, because they just have no idea what’s going on in there. Sufficiently so that while at the wrecker when asked by my brother if the car we were looking at had a starter I confirmed that it did – not knowing I was looking at the transmission.

That being said, and to make the analogy work let us reduce it down to some simple parts.

At the most basic level there are three parts to a working car.

1. Fuel (gas, or petrol for my int’l audience.) 2. Engine 3. Wheels.

That should help us all get on the same page.

Now, let’s talk a little bit about engines.  In the late 1600’s a fine gentleman named Christian Huygens developed an internal combustion engine that would run on gun powder.  http://inventors.about.com/library/weekly/aacarsgasa.htm His attempts are not noted to be particularly successful but he did pave the way for Mr(s). Otto, Benz and Daimler to develop the basic mechanics of how the gas engine in most vehicles you see today work.(Despite trying to take over the world, twice, we can see the Germans have made some contributions to our lives.)

The basic idea of an internal combustion engine is that fuel and air will be mixed in precise proportions, pressurized, made to burn (explode), and in so doing create motion.This motion is then, hopefully, transformed into some usable force:  in the case of a car it is used to turn the wheels.

Let us say that creativity and passion are the air and fuel in the engine.  Creativity that all-seeing mistress and passion that desirous captain make for quite an explosive duo.

What then in the engine?  Discipline.

Whether it is external or internal, discipline is that steely part in us that must be strong enough to contain the explosion of creativity and passion.  It goes by many names – hard work, determination, commitment, hardheadedness etc.

Discipline mixes passion with creativity in precise measures, pressurizes them and then lights them on fire to create.

Without discipline fuel that is burned is useless to a car.  It can be used to burn the car, i suppose, but i highly doubt that anyone sets out to burn to the ground the car they wish to drive.

Short of not having an engine at all engines must be set up right.  An engine may mix too much air or too much fuel.  Either combination produces lack- luster performance.

And so it is true in us.  If we have tonnes of passion about a certain topic but no creative solution we will likely not make an impact beyond our living room.  If we have tonnes of creativity but nothing to be passionate about we will likely be highly frustrated individuals (whose moms would really like us to move out soon.)

Wheels.  Wheels come next.  Without them the aforementioned is useless.  (Well, everything before is useless provided you are using your car for more than a couch.)

Wheels are where all of the force produced in the engine goes.  Of all the parts they are the most simple, the most useful, the most exhilarating and the most scary.  Most accidents, if I’m not mistaken, take place when the car is in motion – after all.

Wheels are action.

When passion, creativity, discipline and action work together the results are wonderful stories.  Stories revealing the extrodinary coming from the ordinary.  Stories that capture people acting with passion and creativity in every walk of life. Stories that graciously grab your attention, warm your heart, and seduce your imagination into letting go and believing that your own story can resound in the hearts of your peers, friends, family, neighbors, nation and world.